Really Bad Milk

BAD MILK AND EXPIRED WATER

 

I sat across a small table from my wife in the fast food restaurant and watched as she opened a small container of milk and began to drink.  What happened next is burned into my brain.  The milk came from her mouth with the force of a tornado, covering my face and shirt as well as the fortunately empty table behind me.  Yes, it was indeed bad milk.  Instantly knowing that my survival depended upon an appropriate response, I fought mightily to suppress any laughter.

 

My wife was embarrassed but who could blame her?  If you have ever tasted or even smelled bad milk you know why that happened.  Few things turn your stomach like spoiled milk.  I’ve seen hogs and dogs drink bad milk but who can account for the taste of hogs and dogs?  There’s lots of stuff they eat and drink I’d just as soon avoid. 

 

Now I’m guessing that a check of the date imprinted on the aforementioned carton of milk would have indicated it was expired.  Lord knows my wife has learned from that lesson.  Now when milk reaches the date on the container out it goes.  It doesn’t matter whether the milk is in fact bad.  It doesn’t matter that the milk smells and tastes good.  It doesn’t matter that I’ll have to drive to the grocery store to get more milk for a bowl of cereal.  It doesn’t even matter that my wife quit drinking milk some years ago.  She throws out my milk just to make sure there is no possibility of bad milk in the house.

 

So it is quite understandable that milk, which can and does go really bad, has an expiration date printed on the container.  I’m just glad I don’t have an expiration date printed on me or I’d be in the garbage can with all that outdated milk.

 

Now in addition to buying milk we also have been drinking bottled water for a number of years.  It was only yesterday that I noted my water has an expiration date.  Well excuse me, but just what happens to water when it reaches the expiration date?  Will I someday take a big swig (southern for swallow) of water and spit it across the room? 

 

Will the water develop mysterious bacteria?  What should I do with expired water?  Can I water the one plant that has survived my tender care?  Should I recycle bad water along with all those plastic bottles my wife requires me to save and then deliver for recycling?  Will we someday have to ship expired water to Nevada with nuclear waste?          

 

Please don’t tell my wife about this water expiration thing.  I can’t afford it.

 

 

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