Coach Hi

CLICHÉ? WHAT CLICHÉ?

 

Coach Hiram Fastoon, known to everyone as Coach Hi, recently took over the helm of the historically unsuccessful Fighting Billygoats football team at Alabama Teachers Tech.  The Fighting Billygoats have the dubious distinction of losing twelve ballgames each of the last three years.  Coach Hi was kind enough to take time from the film room to spend a few minutes explaining his football philosophy.    

 

“Coach Hi, it looks like you’ve got a tough job turning the Fighting Billygoats’ program around.  What have you done to make sure that your team doesn’t lose twelve games again this year?” 

 

“That’s right, Jack, you know I’m excited about this opportunity and look forward to the challenge.  I have high expectations and we’re gonna get things turned around.  We’re  stepping it up this year and taking it to the next level.  We’ve got to go that extra yard.

 

The Fighting Billygoats come into this season undefeated and our fans won’t put up with another year losing twelve games.  The first thing I did was cancel the contest with Southeast Mississippi Teachers College, we haven’t beaten them since the Bear was up in Tuscaloosa.  That leaves us just eleven games, so you can see we ain’t losing twelve this year. 

 

Of course our first game against the Roosters will be the game of the year for us.  We’re gonna have to play some smash-mouth football.  You know football games are won in the trenches.  We’ve just got to take care of the ball better and make plays on both sides of the line.  Last year our boys couldn’t stop the big play.  Who am I kidding?  Most of the time they couldn’t stop a sorority flag football team.

 

I’ve been working with Billy Bob, our quarterback, and we’re gonna air it out this year.  Billy Bob can fling that pigskin and he won’t be tossing any wounded ducks.  The starting quarterback’s got to be composed in the pocket and take what the defense gives him.  We’re working on sustaining drives and avoiding those mental mistakes

 

Then there’s Juaquel, our star running back, he’s an impact player.  You know you can’t teach speed and Juaquel’s got speed.  He’s an explosive runner with finesse.  He can take over a game.  Yeah, that Juaquel can flat out play.  You just can’t win in this league without establishing the run.  Sometimes the difference between winning and losing is a matter of inches.

 

Offense put fans in the seats, but defense wins championships.  Last year we couldn’t stop ourselves in practice.  This year we’re gonna give the fans their money’s worth.         

 

As you know, Jack, the first game will be on Rooster turf and we’ll be going into a hostile environment.  The Rooster’s have great fans and the twelfth man comes into play.  Yeah, there’s no question about it the crowd will be a factor.  Obviously we’ve got to take the crowd out of the game and seize the momentum.”

 

“Coach Hi, I really appreciate the insight into the game of football you’ve given my readers.”  “No problem, glad to help.  You’ll have to excuse me now I’ve got a radio interview.”

 

“Hey, Coach Hi here, I’m excited about this opportunity and look forward to the challenge.  I have high expectations and we’re gonna get things turned around.  We’re  stepping it up this year and taking it to the next level.  We’ve got to go that extra yard.”


           
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