Southern Test

This test is provided as a public service. It may be taken by anyone, but beware. Being a True Southerner means more than being born south of an imaginary line. It is a way of looking at, and participating in, life. It is respect for the past and the ideals our ancestors sacrificed to achieve.

INSTRUCTIONS: I am going to list a series of statements. On a sheet of paper place a check for each statement that is you believe to be true. At the conclusion of the test, count your checks. I will tell you what they mean.

1. Your list of Presidents only has one name.
2. You have yankee friends, but recognize them as exceptions.
3. You teach your children to say yes sir and yes maam.
4. You miss hearing Dixie on the radio. (Or anywhere else for that matter.)
5. You understand that your Southern ancestors were not perfect, but don’t believe they were evil.
6. You know a dozen ways to serve grits and none of them include milk or sugar.
7. You open doors for ladies or say thank you if you are one.
8. You use cellular telephones, faxes, and e-mail, but miss rocking on the front porch.
9. Even when you live outside the South, home always means the South.
10. You have heard that catfish can be baked, but wonder why.
11. You love fried okra, but also like it boiled.
12. You wonder why yankees like to run the South, but have so many problems in their own backyard.
13. You know that Southern history has been rewritten to satisfy the prejudices of political correctness.
14. It has crossed your mind that the NBA doesn’t have to mirror the population as a whole.
15. You know Bill Clinton and Al Gore are Southerners, but you keep thinking of the word scalawag.
16. Every attack on Southern historical symbols troubles you.
17. You like Jeff Foxworthy, but wonder why only Southerners can be laughed at.
18. You ever wondered why so many yankees move South, and stay.
19. You are certain that there is more to life than football, hunting and fishing, but sometimes you forget.
20. You feel sorry for Southerners who try to lose their accent.
21. You drink Coke because Pepsi is headquartered in New York City.
22. You are not embarrassed by your religion.
23. You are ashamed of those Southerners who curry favor by demeaning their heritage.
24. You believe that a war of cultural genocide is being waged against the South, but in order to keep your blood pressure in check, you try not to think about it.
25. You vote Republican but cringe at the references to Lincoln, because you have actually studied history.
26. You understand that the South has been treated unfairly for the past 160 years.
27. You ever wonder what a Confederate South would be like.
28. You hope that your children will love the South as much as you do.
29. You know that if you fail to connect yesterday with tomorrow, your children will lose their birthright.
30. You are a citizen of the United States, but your heart and soul reside in the South.
31. You display the Confederate flag without embarrassment and respect everyone’s right to celebrate their heritage.
32. The term Civil War raises your blood pressure.


SCORING:

25 AND UP = = = MARSE ROBERT SALUTES YOU

20 TO 24 = = = YOU COULD RIDE WITH STONEWALL

15 TO 19 = = = SOUTHERN, BUT LISTENING TO TOO MANY YANKEES

11 TO 14 = = = SCALAWAG

5 TO 10 = = = YANKEE

0 TO 4 = = = DAMN YANKEE

 

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