Basic article excerpted from BEING
FROM THE SOUTH DOESN'T MAKE ME STUPID!
If there is any food
anywhere which is given absolutely no respect outside of the South it has got
to be grits. A staple food south of the Mason Dixon line and a subject of
derision in the north. Why? Maybe it’s just misunderstood, after all, they
don’t seem to like sweet tea, collard greens or catfish very much either.
In the north
breakfast usually includes some kind of greasy, fried potatoes called
hashbrowns. And they have the nerve to say that Southern cooking is all fried.
If that is not enough, they have some other strange breakfast foods. Cream of
wheat and oatmeal come to mind, though the former is much worse than the
latter.
Around Philadelphia
they serve something called scrapple. Its called that because it contains the
scraps of meat that are not edible in any other form. This is also fried.
Nobody could actually explain scrapple to me, but it looks bad.
In any event, let’s
talk for a minute about grits. Grits come from corn. This is probably not a
newsflash to anyone in the South. The good folks who maintain the Grits Page on
the Internet provide a little more information. They say that cornmeal and
hominy grits are made from mature white or yellow corn from which the bran and
germ have been removed. Exactly what the bran and germ are, and how in the
world you remove them is beyond the scope of my educational efforts, and
besides, do you really care? What we know is that grits are good and there must
be hundreds of ways to fix grits. (fix-Southern for prepare)
Normally I use a
special recipe for fixing my grits. It is on the back of the Jim Dandy box and
involves water, salt and grits. You can make grits thin enough to suck through
a straw or thick enough to use as mortar. A little on the thin side and they
mix well with fried eggs. You might want to put butter and pepper on your grits
once they are on the plate. And this is just the beginning.
A couple of quick
stories will illustrate some of the problems Southerners have about grits. In
the Navy we used to have either grits or Cream of Wheat every morning. The
problem was that you couldn’t tell which it was and there wasn’t time in the
line to find out. So every day I would take a spoon and gingerly taste the
white matter on my plate. Some days it would be the wonderful taste of grits
and others the repulsive Cream of Wheat. My guess is that some of my northern
friends did the same thing with opposite expectations.
While living in
Fairfax, Virginia, my wife and I would often eat breakfast out on the
week-ends. On one occasion I ordered my usual breakfast with grits, which had
to be ordered on the side. That alone always frosts me, when South of the Mason
Dixon line, even a little, grits should just come with breakfast. Now there’s a
law Congress really should pass.
Eventually the
waitress brought out a bowl filled with a lumpy, white mass of something. She
said it was grits. To make matters worse, they were cold. A quick note here, if
you are served cold grits in any restaurant, immediately leave. You have been
insulted.
The waitress also
brought a glass of milk. Since milk was not ordered, I asked what it was for.
She said some people like to put milk on their grits with sugar. The thought of
this will make any true Southerner throw up.
One of the great
things about grits is that they are just as good the next day. Put leftover
(always make enough for leftovers) grits in a bowl or pan, cover them with
clear plastic wrap and put in the refrigerator. The next morning cut them in
small pieces and roll in corn meal. Fry until golden brown and enjoy. Now there
are a lot of other ways to use grits. A little red eye gravy over your grits is
very good. You can also make a casserole with cheese, sausage or about anything
else you can dream up. Isn’t a casserole just another way to eat leftovers?
Anyway, now you know the truth about grits. Feel any smarter?
