Why I Don't Love My Bank


Sometimes when relationships go bad they go really, really, bad.  In those unfortunate situations there’s no in between time where things might get better or heaven forbid, worse.  Often there are little signs.  Remember when your first ex-wife used to come home every day all wrung out and you thought she was taking Jazzercize, but she wasn’t?


Today we are talking about a different kind of relationship, one with a fine banking institution.  I began by trusting the bank though a friend recently informed me that a robber takes your money all at once while a bank just takes a little every time you turn around.  Of course the folks down at the bank are sweet as honey and polite as an old maid at a church social, but when little things start happening the relationship is teetering on full collapse.    


I seldom review the monthly bank statement but recently began to log onto my account on the Internet just for fun.  Soon enough there were little signs, an $8 service cycle charge for one.  I don’t own a bicycle and they don’t fix them so I called.  The sweet lady at the bank said if my account goes under $100 they charge me, but she assured me it is a great account with free checks. 


Each month the bank takes $2 from my account just in case I go over and need to borrow some money.  They charge me for the privilege of being able to borrow money on a short term basis for 18 per cent.  That didn’t bother me a lot, but to charge me $8 every time I get close to needing their money seems a bit much.  It’s kind of like me charging the paper if I almost send in a column.


Then, just to make certain things were as promised I looked at my account and found a recent $14.65 charge for, you guessed it, checks.  I called another kind woman at the bank and she assured me the matter would be looked into.  Later she phoned to say that because we get duplicate checks we are charged, so much for my free checks.  That $14.65 is for a single box of checks.  Thank goodness they give me credit for some of the cost since I have this great account, don’t they?


While perusing my great account on the computer I noted a charge for an ATM card.  There’s nothing wrong with that except I don’t have an ATM card.  I suggested to the friendliest banker in the world that if they were going to charge me for an ATM card maybe I ought to have one.  She issued me an ATM card on the spot.




Now truth is I don’t use ATM cards very much, but just to make sure the darn thing worked I stopped at a convenient ATM machine and tried to make a very small withdrawal.  After putting the card and my PIN in, the ATM advised that the card was invalid.  That’s right, I’m being charged an annual fee for an ATM card that doesn’t work.


Like I said in the beginning, when relationships go bad they go really bad.  I’m going to miss the nice ladies down at the bank, but what they are doing to me ain’t Jazzercize. 



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