I'll Never Do That



Remember all the things you once said you would never do?  “I’ll never spend my days on the porch talking about how the world is going to hell in a hand basket.”  I remember saying that as I sit in front of my computer and have pretty much those same discussions with people all over the country.  It’s true that I’m not on the front porch, because unfortunately we don’t sit on the front porch much anymore.  However, the sad fact is I’m doing just what the “old” folks used to do.  This is an ironic marriage of old and new.  There are even web sites designed just for the more mature crowd where we can tell each other how things should be done.  If you want to try one go to: http://www.eons.com.

“I’ll never sit for hours in a recliner.”  Ah, what young people don’t know.  I love my recliner.  I actually look forward to getting home so I can sit in my recliner.  Who would ever have thought you could look forward to sitting in a recliner?  Who knew that a recliner is more than place to sit?  It is a lifestyle.  It is surprising what you can do in a recliner.  I’m watching football, typing on my computer and having a snack all while hunkered down in my recliner.      

“We’ll never have a fight because we love each other too much.”  Well, I’m not sure I ever said that, but I’m betting somebody did.  The best I can tell is that the frequency of arguing with your spouse follows pretty much the old bell curve.  At first it’s just too much fun to make up, so fights aren’t that bad.  Then you go through the period when making up is fun, but baggage has built and it is not so easy to do.  During this period fights last longer.  And then there is the age when you just don’t want to waste the energy.  If he (she) hasn’t changed in 30 years and I’m still married, might as well get over myself.  Here we finally learn that nobody ever wins in a fight with your spouse.  Even if you think you’ve won, you haven’t.  Trust me on this one or be prepared to watch your back 24/7.

“Look at those old people.  They couldn’t be doing 35 miles an hour.  What’s wrong with them?”  Well now that you’ve slowed down long enough to see that the speed limit is 35 it doesn’t seem so bad.  And maybe now we don’t spend our lives rushing about quite as much.  Being first in line is not such a big deal, unless it is a buffet, now that’s another story.

I’m thankful for the timesaving products we have available, but I always said there was one thing so easy to fix at home that I would never buy it already prepared.  If you can boil water you can make it.  It is of course that Southern favorite, iced tea.  Recently I saw a whole cooler full of gallon jugs of cold tea.  I smirked and walked by, but people were buying those jugs.  Finally I asked one lady if the tea was good.  “Yeah, it’s really good,” she replied.  Making certain that no one was watching, I eased a gallon jug into my cart.  One more thing I said I’d never do.

 “I’m not going to hide my age with hair color.  I’ll just turn gray naturally.”  Well there’s a multi-billion dollar business funded in good measure by folks who said that. 

I still don’t wear black socks with sandals, or plaid pants on the golf course.  I am stuck with white tennis shoes because I couldn’t find any other ones that fit, though my tennis shoes don’t have any Velcro fasteners.  You have to take a stand somewhere.  Whatever the future brings I will no longer say never.   

Originally printed in Modern Senior Living  


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